May everyone have a blessed Holiday, eat as much Bird, Stuffing, Veggies and Pie as they can comfortably consume and get home safely.
On a lighter note, we all know how great most birds look when they come out of the oven, but I want to see pictures of how yours looks going in. Tradition has it at our house that our big bertha of a bird be smothered in BACON….yes, that five letter word beginning with “B” and ending with “N”… How can anything covered in a blanket of that possibly turn out badly??
Since I had no actual pictures of the bird going in, here is an re-enactment photo…
In our house, tradition has it as follows:
- Wait for the sounding of the oven timer and creaking of the oven door to signal the completion of the cooking process…
- Pour yourself some wine…
- Quietly and sheepishly peek into the kitchen to see if anyone other than the Head Chef (usually my sister) has noticed.
- Tiptoe into the kitchen under the guise of helping to hoist the beheemoth of a bird onto the counter for its “resting phase”.
- Pretend to be adjusting the tin foil, all the while sneaking a peek at its golden loveliness and baconated beauty…
- Pour yourself a little more wine…Holidays can be so stressful!
- With a straight face and showing restraint, announce to the cook you feel you should sample the stuffing which has seeped outside the carcass to ensure its seasoning is at the proper level to serve to company. Of course you remind her how you are helping her “save face” in the event it might need adjustment.
- Keep on guard for other family members who may have been alerted that the bird is on the counter. There is after all, BACON on this bird.
- Grab a spoon to sample the stuffing. Pretend to look for a teaspoon but somehow only come across the bigger serving spoon. After all, you need to get a good taste to determine its tastiness.
- Did I forget to mention that the stuffing is damn hot?? A quick remedy to rescue your tongue and lips is closer than you think; grab an ice cube and apply to the affected area, alternate between applying this and sipping the wine. The combined duo will have a novocaine-like effect. Don’t forget to refill your wine glass. The last glass was for purely medicinal purposes and you need to account for that.
- Look over your left and right shoulders to scope out the competition. After all, you have been the one keeping Bertha company since it was removed from the oven. At the very least, you should get first dibs on the BACON.
- Now that the resting phase is over, other family members are moseying into the kitchen. They begin to hover around you as the tin foil is lifted and the golden beauty is finally revealed.
- Take another sip of the grape juice, this battle could get a little confrontational…
- One by one, your family members; a.k.a. the little damn cannibals, get to rip off one strip of BACON from the bird. Yes, I said ONE. Those found “double stripping” will be flogged during the dinner process and will get no pie for dessert.
I am proud to say that my boys are now well versed in the annual Bambini Bacon event!
Have a great day everyone!